remembering

There are some days when I can't help thinking about what might have been. Today is one of those. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant back in November of 2010.

Our baby was due in mid July. The spacing between the kids was going to be just how I wanted, it would be our first summer baby, and I secretly hoped we would have a little boy.

If things had gone differently we would be celebrating a first birthday this weekend. We would have a little one toddling around after the girls and learning to say a few words. There would be cake smashing and laughter and new toys on the floor. Instead there are tears, and what ifs, and prayers that there might still be another child in our future.